International Parenting Situation - What Would You Do?

As many of you know, I do not know much German, and even less of the local Swiss-German dialect. This presents numerous challenges, particularly when I'm surrounded mainly by local children, who know mainly the local dialect, little standard German and only a few English phrases from popular music and video games. I have frequently found myself as the only adult among a clutch of children because the city is so safe and the local kids are perfectly safe and content being out on their own. This, however, present some interesting international parenting dilemmas for me. I'll give you a couple of examples -- see how you would have handled them.

Scenario 1. About a week and half after we arrived, the boys and I were at the local elementary school at the end of our block. We were part of a fun and spirited football (soccer) match with a group of kids ranging from 7 to 10 years old (Elliot mainly watched, but was allowed to play and given some easy goals out of the graciousness of older boys and another parent). After the game broke up, we were walking toward our house and stumbled across a really cool part of the local playground - a 4 x 2 foot trampoline that is built into the ground. Isaac and Elliot were bouncing and then Elliot wanted a turn by himself because, when he is on with another child, he gets bounced around really badly. Isaac was gracious (after some coaxing) and gave Elliot some space.

However, a local boy named Luca realized that Elliot really wanted to bounce alone and found great delight in not allowing him to do so. So, every time Elliot tried to get on the trampoline, Luca jumped on, even as Elliot was melting down and crying fiercely (it was really close to bedtime for Elliot and he was tired). Finally we just had to walk home and I promised Elliot we would get up tomorrow and come back when Luca wasn't around. Luca is small for his age, of Brazillian decent, and a bit impish in his nature - I'm guessing he has gotten his share of razzing in school and was looking to give some out himself. I gave the old 'why is he a bully' explanation, i.e., kids who bully usually don't feel good about themselves and the only time they can feel like they have power themselves is when they bully others. But, none the less, Elliot cried all the way home. If I knew the language, I probably could have talked to Luca and swayed him to relent after a few times, but no way that was going to work without knowledge of the local language.

Scenario 2. Isaac rides the city bus for 3 bus stops between our house and school by himself most days. I was waiting for Isaac to come home for lunch from school today at the local city bus stop. As the bus pulled up, Isaac and Da'Rion and Roberto -- 2 boys from his room (a special room for non-German speakers who are receiving intensive German lessons) -- piled off the bus yelling while another boy, about their size, but not from their room (a native Swiss boy I presume) also jumped off and started pushing Roberto. Da'Rion was shouting that this boy had broken his umbrella, while Isaac was showing me his knee, which he said had been bloodied by this boy prior to them all getting on the city bus.

The local boy push Roberto once more and I said sternly 'Nein'. Both boys stopped temporarily, but then the local boy went after Roberto once again. The scuttle continued for another 25 seconds, a bit of a stalemate, with Roberto not giving up much ground. It began to occur to Issac, Da'Rion and Roberto that it might be better if they joined forces. This thought must have occurred to the local boy as well, because he then high-tailed it for home, which is in an apartment building about a block from our house. The boys then began concocting ideas about how to ambush the local child, to which I said that this would not solve much and was not an appropriate response.

From Isaac's discussion over lunch, it seems the whole brew-ha-ha started back at recess, with the local boy gaining one of Da'Rion's shoes that he had lost while climbing on some playground equipment and throwing. One of more of the Isaac's group then threw a soccer ball at the local boy. Then at the bus stop prior to boarding the bus, the local boy broke Da'Rion's umbrella, Isaac called him a bully, to which the local boy responded by pushing Isaac to the ground and skinning his knee.

We all decided that we would talk to Isaac's teacher, as Auslanders (foreigners) are often the first choice of local bullies, and to try to avoid this boy if at all possible. If it persists, we would then try to engage the bully's parents.

So the big question for me was - should I have broken up the fight at the bus stop given my child was not involved and I only slightly knew one of the children. Again, language here would have been helpful.

I'm sure I'll have more difficult decision as the year unfolds.